


Seven Days of Fighting

by Everyonceinawhile



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aliens, Angst, Character Death, F/M, Fighting, Fluff, Laser Tag, Love Confessions, M/M, Pre-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Shooting Guns, Sleepy Cuddles, Sparring, Training, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-05 20:51:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17332130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everyonceinawhile/pseuds/Everyonceinawhile
Summary: It's strange how much your life can change in a week.Bucky Barnes showed up at the Avenger's doorstep. Nobody can help him, much less Steve Rogers, his closet friend and also someone who has loved him for years. But he has to keep trying because that's what you do for love.





	1. Monday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this story during my winter break instead of working on homework.

It had been seventeen days since Bucky had returned to the Avengers facility. It had been sixteen days since Bucky had talked to Steve. He would talk to everyone else but not him. Steve had tried but Bucky would always just turn away and leave. After the fifth day of this happening Sam gave him a sympathetic look and went to talk to him. When he came back, he didn’t say anything but from then on, Bucky had a schedule. A sparring schedule. Steve only knew about it because Bucky had slapped it on his door. It read

Monday: Training type shit like boxing and such

Tuesday: Sparring Hand to Hand Combat

Wednesday: Guns and Distance

Thursday: No Holds short distance fighting

Friday: Fun Fighting Activity

Saturday: Blades

Sunday: No Holds Everything goes, Guns, Long range weapons, metal arms, knives, anything

Every day at nine o’clock Bucky would head down to the training room. Sometimes with Nat, sometimes with Sam, once he even went down with Tony but never Steve. It was driving Steve crazy. He just wanted to talk to Bucky and find his friend once more. However, he just got the silent treatment. This went on for almost two weeks until a Monday. It was a fairly normal Monday. Steve had woken up early, had gone for his jog and was just settling in with his second cup of coffee when Sam raced into the living room.

“Steve holy shit Steve. He asked for you. Like you specifically not just some random hot guy. He specifically said I need Captain America.”

Steve's heart rose until it got to the point of finding out he asked for Captain America and not Steve. But no that wasn’t Bucky’s fault. How was he supposed to know the difference? He could hardly remember anything much less the random distinction. Of course in his head, they were the same person.

“Steve. I need to warn you. He doesn’t seem to be doing good. I don’t know what happened but something did.”

Steve nodded but it felt like he was on autopilot. All he felt was the cold shock of finding out that Bucky wanted him but didn’t. He turned and started walking down the hall to Bucky’s room. When he got there, the door was closed. This was not unusual. It normally was. What was strange was that Black Widow sat outside the door talking to him. Steve couldn’t hear what she was saying but if he had to guess it was probably something reassuring. Natasha and Sam always knew what to say. It was a talent Steve did not have. He had always thought it was because of his injuries and sicknesses but after he got the serum he still felt as awkward. He just couldn’t act like it anymore. As he was musing, he reached the door. Natasha looked up at him and then turned back to the door.

“It’s okay. Steve’s here now. You can talk to him okay? It’s all good. Yeah, Steve. You know, Captain America. He’s here. You can talk to him like you wanted.”

Natasha stood up and patted Steve’s shoulder.

“Good luck buddy. He’s not doing well today. I don’t know why. He won’t tell me but you might be able to coax it out of him.”

She swished down the hallway and Steve sat down next to the door. Wait shit what was he supposed to call him? If he was doing badly, maybe Buck wasn’t right. But James was all wrong too. So he settled for the in-between.

“Barnes. It’s all…”

“What day is it?”

Steve stared. He had spoken to him. It took him a minute to comprehend the question but then was confused. If Bucky had lost his sense of time again he had really repressed.

“June 8th why?”

“Not that day. What day of the week is it?”

Steve had to think for a moment.

“Monday.”

Steve heard a rustling and then the door opened from behind him. Steve almost fell but just managed to catch himself. He scrambled up to his feet and then looked at Bucky. He wasn’t checking him out. He was just making sure he was okay. He didn’t seem okay. His hair was hanging down in his face, he was wearing the same clothes he had been wearing on Saturday and Sunday, his eyes almost seemed empty. No empty wasn’t the right word. They were full but full of pain. Clouded and scared pain. He seemed pale and thin. When Steve stole a little look into the room from the little crack in the door, he saw at least three plates of food left untouched. So this was bad then. “Training.” Steve jolted back. He had kind of forgotten about Bucky. He did that sometimes. He just stood so still you almost forgot he was there.

“What?”

“It’s a training day today. See? It says it on my schedule.”

Steve stared. Bucky was pointing at his schedule and seemed near tears. It was probably a bad time but Steve couldn’t help but notice how beautiful his eyelashes were. They were so long and beautiful dotted with his almost there tears.

“Please.”

Steve gulped. Bucky had asked him something and he had been too busy staring at his eyelashes to pay attention. The first time they had talked in two weeks and Steve couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying.

“Please. I need to do it. But I can’t. I’ll hurt them. I know it’s just training but please.”

Steve realized what Bucky was asking. He wanted him, Steve Rogers, to train with him.

“Yeah. No, I don’t mind. It’s cool. I wasn’t doing anything anyway so it’s all good.” “Thank you.”

Those last words were whispered and Steve could barely hear them but this whole conversation counted as a success to Steve. After two weeks of not talking and now this. They went from silent treatment to sparring buddies. And yes it was because Bucky was afraid to hurt them. Which was really bad. But Steve couldn’t help but want to praise his deterring mental state just a little bit. Which was awful of him but god bless America.

Bucky stepped completely out of the room. He started walking down the hallway. His head was down and his hands were crumpled into tiny balls. His shoulders were up and tight. He was walking so quietly that you couldn’t hear him and he was noticing everything as they walked. Steve wanted to help but he also didn’t want to push. So he just walked behind him but not in his blind spot. He stayed silent all the way to the training room.

“So what do you do on a normal Monday?”

“Boxing. Apparently, it helps with my aggression.”

“Does it?”

“Well, I stopped killing people so I guess so.”

Steve couldn’t help it. He started snorting and wheezing. He was full on rolling on the ground in fits of laughter. Then he heard it. A little wheeze came from Bucky.

“It really wasn’t that funny.”

Steve stared and all he wanted to do at this moment was kiss him. He wanted to grab his face and kiss him senseless. He wanted to be Bucky’s. But he couldn’t. So instead he wrapped his hands and then turned to the punching bags.

“Do you just use these?”

Bucky shook his head and headed to the closet where he pulled out a fancy punching bag.

“Stark made me this special one. He says that if I break it, he won’t try to give me any more laser fingers.”

Steve smiled. This was more of the Bucky he knew. He set up one of the punching bags and then started punching with a huge smile on his face. That was okay for about five minutes. Then Bucky spoke.

“I pulled you out of the river right?”

Steve nodded.

“And you were the guy on the bridge right? And the guy from the helicarrier?”

Steve nodded again.

“Did we meet before that? I feel like I have memories but they aren’t you. Dvoynik.”

Steve may have known a couple words of Russian but he did not know this one.

“Nichego takogo. Ya ne prav. Ubiraysya.”

Bucky was yelling and screaming and punching and punching. He was making a serious dent in this punching bag as he just hit it over and over again while screaming Ubiraysya. Then everything went wrong. Natasha got on the loudspeaker.

“Get out of there Steve now,”

Bucky growled at that and then punched once more. The punching bag which it turned out was made with metal reinforcements shattered sending pieces of metal everywhere. Steve wanted to grab Bucky to help him but he couldn’t find him.

When the metal and sand finally settled down, Steve saw Bucky. He was standing in the exact same place as blood dripped down from his body from all the metal slivers. Then he turned to Steve.

“Steve. You’re Steve.” He whispered and then sank down.

Sam was standing behind him with a knife. “Sorry I needed him to go down. So I hit him.”

Steve stared. “He remembered me.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah while he was going batshit crazy and exploding metal sandbags. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure he’s okay. You should probably leave though. Sorry, I know how important Barnes is to you.”

Steve nodded and then left. That was all there was to do after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is kind of slow but I promise it will get better


	2. Tuesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favourite chapters to write. I don't think it is one of my favourite chapters but it was a lot of fun to write.

Steve couldn’t get that sight of Bucky out of his mind. Bucky standing there blood dripping into a puddle, chest heaving as he struggled to get a breath in. His eyes screaming for help but also empty. It was beauty but ugly. It was like looking in a funhouse mirror. What Steve could have been. What Bucky should have never become. 

 

Steve slept. Or rather he tossed and turned unable to drift off. And when he finally did, it was to a dream. It was Brooklyn. Way back when. Way before Steve had to worry about Hydra and Chitauri. Way before Bucky became the deadliest assassin in history. When the biggest problem was the fact the bed was too small for both of them but they made it work anyway contorting themselves into knots to share it. It started like that. Steve was pressed against Bucky until you couldn’t tell who was who anymore. Steve bolted awake in his dream and then he padded over to his window. It was snowing. Steve always loved the snow. He went downstairs and outside and then he turned around and Bucky was there. Old Bucky. 

 

“You forgot your hat. You’re going to get sick again.” 

 

“Shut it. What do you know? You’re never sick.” 

 

“Yeah but I have to take care of your sick ass all the time.” 

 

“My sick ass could still kick yours anytime.” 

 

And with those words they were rolling around on the snow wrestling like they always used to. Then Steve pinned Bucky and all of the sudden they weren’t in the snow anymore. They were on the helicarrier again. Bucky was pinning Steve and their blood was pooling beneath them. It was mixing and falling. The drops suspended off the edge before falling into the water below. Just like before, Steve let Bucky punch him. But this time, Bucky didn’t stop. He kept punching and punching. Steve could feel his skull caving in. but Bucky still wouldn’t stop. And then he stopped. He stopped and Steve fell again. But this time Steve could see everything. He saw Bucky’s face as Bucky jumped. He saw the fear. He saw Bucky pull him out. And he saw Bucky walking away, like Bucky always did. And then Steve felt the pain of knowing he was gone forever. And then Steve is alive and walking and it’s a battle. There’s bodies everywhere. And Steve knows Bucky’s somewhere but he doesn’t know where. He is looking everywhere for him. Digging through the bodies. Searching for him. The familiar face and then he sees it. There on the ground looking more peaceful than Steve could clearly remember seeing on him. His hands are holding onto a gun and a pair of dog tags. Bucky’s dog tags. Because of course Bucky would have them. It’s Bucky. 

 

Steve woke up gasping feeling unable to breathe. After a few deep breaths, he turned to his alarm clock. It was 12:17. So he had gotten like two hours of sleep. Better than some nights, worse than others. He stood up and walked to the kitchen. Steve didn’t really know where he was going. other than out of the room. He paced and it wasn’t long before he realized he had walked to Bucky’s room. Just as he got there, Bucky walked out. 

 

“Steve. Are you okay? I woke up and I knew something was wrong with you. I was just going to check on you.” 

 

So it was this Bucky now. 

 

“Fine. I was just going to check on you. Actually, do you want to do some training now? Maybe get both of us to fall asleep or something?” Steve offered hoping against all hope that Bucky would say yes. 

 

“I mean sure. Makes sense.” 

 

And then Bucky and Steve were walking back. Back all the way to the training room.

 

“I don’t think we should do boxing again.” 

 

“Why? It’s Tuesday. What’s on Tuesday?” 

 

“Uhm, it’s sparring hand to hand. I think.” 

 

“Well, I can do that.” 

 

Bucky nodded before pulling his shirt off. At Steve’s strange glance, he shrugged. 

 

“Less for them to grab.” 

 

Steve nodded but couldn’t stop staring. His skin was cold and pale. It was so pale but so bright. It was like Bucky had swallowed a sun. His whole chest was covered with scars. Long, short, deep. They were everywhere. Criss crossed. A beautiful picture. A swirling sunset here. A dolphin here. A heart there. A pair of lovers entwined. Paths crossing. People meeting. A thousand stories. Pain and suffering spelt all over his body. A story told in a thousand tiny cuts. 

 

“Are you coming?” 

 

Steve quickly scrambled into the ring. 

 

“All right. Three, two, one, let’s go.” 

 

Bucky crouched down. Lowering his balance, shifting his weight. Steadying everything. Then he leapt. Steve was not expecting it. So Bucky managed to get a good blow in right away. It struck Steve square in the ear. It rang and Steve knew right then that he needed to stop looking at Bucky. It was just another person. That’s all. Then more ringing pain. This time in his jaw. He had gotten punched again. All right. This is it. Time to go. He crouches down and brings his hands up just in time to stop his next blow. He grabs Bucky’s right fist. The one he just swung and then twists it up just enough that Steve can slide underneath to unbalance him and strike him right in the stomach. He barely moves but then he flips his arm so quickly that Steve almost loses hold of it. What is he trying to do? Then it hits him. The floor that is. He just swung him around so he flipped. The wind briefly knocked out of him. Bucky was sitting on him now. 

 

“I thought you’d be harder to beat than that Stevie. Where is your mind?” 

 

As he was taunting him, Steve thought of only one thing to do. It was a really cheap trick but he reached up and pulled a large chunk of his hair. Bucky yelped and Steve used that one moment of distraction to roll them around. 

 

“I thought you’d be harder to beat than that Buck. Where is your mind?” 

 

Then Bucky pulled his own cheap trick. He leaned up and kissed him. His lips were chapped and tasted slightly of mint. Steve couldn’t breathe. He just wanted to keep kissing him. Then Bucky pulled away and winked. Then he stood up. Steve hit the ground gasping. 

 

“Cheap shot.” 

 

“There aren’t any rules. Other than it all has to be hand to hand. Would you rather I use my hands?” 

 

Steve blushed and quickly scrambled to his feet. 

 

“Still a cheap shot.” 

 

Then Bucky struck. It wasn’t joking anymore. It was hard strikes and fast. It was a dance. This was one Steve knew well. He may have two left feet but he could do this effortlessly. He just needed the right partner. No matter how good you are at dancing, it looks awful unless you have the right partner. And Bucky was his. A thousand years could go by and they would still be able to do this dance. He spun and then he saw it. The perfect moment. He lept up right into Bucky’s arms. This would normally result in the person dropping but Steve misjudged the angles. Instead of dropping, Bucky caught him. And then Steve realized this was a problem so he did the only reasonable thing. He flipped over his shoulder and flipped Bucky along with him. 

 

“I win.” Steve announced before walking away. 

 

“Ugh.” Bucky groaned. “I don’t think that counts.” 

 

Steve shrugged before  keeping walking. 

 

“Wait Steve. Come back.” 

 

Steve walked back. Then Bucky swept his legs out from under him. 

 

“There I won.” 

 

Steve sighed.

 

“Sure you did Buck. Sure you did.”

 

Then before he knew what was happening, Bucky slid closer. 

 

“Do you remember Brooklyn?” 

 

Steve nodded not trusting himself to speak. Bucky smiled and then reached over and grabbed Steve’s hand. 

 

“Please don’t leave Steve.” 

 

Steve nodded and squeezed his hand. 

 

“I won’t.” 

 

And then a few hours later, if Natasha walked into the training room to find two super soldiers curled up against each other, she didn’t say anything. She just smiled at the peace in both of their faces. The last time she had seen Steve that relaxed was in the video at the museum. She had never seen Bucky that relaxed. So she let them sleep.


	3. Wednesday

Wednesday was a relaxing sort of day. Steve woke up feeling refreshed. He hadn’t spoken to Bucky since yesterday morning. Whatever it was that happened yesterday that they would never talk about. It was hard. Bouncing between all of the Buckys. Trying to figure out what he could and couldn’t say. Trying to find the balance between what he wanted and what Bucky needed. There wasn’t much of a balance but Steve was used to not getting what he wanted. What he wanted right now was to find Bucky and kiss him senseless but all he could remember was the kiss from Tuesday. Many things might have changed but kissing Bucky hadn’t. It was home and comfort. It was Brooklyn and the Avengers and family. It tasted like sweat and exhaustion. The familiar taste of blood and the new taste of peppermint. It was a million worlds colliding. It was seventy years later and two different people but it was the same moment as their first kiss years ago. A different lifetime ago. If somebody had told Steve he would still be kissing Bucky seventy years later he would have laughed in their faces. But as it turns out that’s what happened. But then when he woke up on the training room floor Bucky had been gone. He had left Steve and it hurt Steve more than he wanted to acknowledge. He had tried to hide it but he knew that Natasha was catching onto something. She was smart but so far he had managed to hide from her. He didn’t know how much longer he could anymore. So he had avoided her for all of yesterday and  that was his plan for all of today until his ceiling caved in. There was Bucky standing there. He was coated in plaster but he had the biggest smile on his face. 

 

“Hey. Sorry about the ceiling. But I wanted to know if you wanted to come shoot shit or something.” 

 

Steve smiled. 

 

“You should know by now that I don’t shoot, Buck.” 

 

“Yeah I know. You use the frisbee of death. But I wanted to see if you would watch. Natasha doesn’t like me shooting by myself. She seems to think I might shoot people instead. But sometimes I want someone else other than Natasha.” 

 

So this was the Bucky he got. Not the Winter Soldier. Not Buck. He wasn’t evil but he didn’t remember Steve beyond what he’s seen since he had shown up in the compound nineteen days ago. It wasn’t his favourite Bucky but it was better than some. 

 

“Sure. Let’s go.” 

 

And Bucky scampered away like a squirrel racing to get to the range. And he shot perfect every time just like he always did. He shot for like five minutes and then turned towards Steve. 

 

“I know you don’t shoot but can you?” 

 

He cocked his head and held the gun so easily like it was an extension of his arm. Something Steve never understood. 

 

“Nope.” 

 

Bucky smiled. 

 

“Want me to teach you?” 

 

Steve stared. Yes he really did. But at the same time, was he capable of doing this? 

 

“Sure. I guess.” 

 

He stepped off the bleachers and walked over to Bucky. 

 

“So what’s step one?” 

 

Bucky smiled his big shit eating grin one that Steve hadn’t seen for many years now. 

 

“Come here. I don’t bite...much.” 

 

Steve rolled his eyes but came so that he was face to face with him. 

 

“All right next step?” 

 

“Well which hand are you dominant with?” 

 

“Right.” 

 

“Okay so you put your right hand here.” 

 

And then cool fingers were grabbing his wrist and placing it on the gun. 

 

“Then your left hand goes here. You put your right foot slightly in front. Like so.” 

And Steve tried to ignore the fact that Bucky was basically hugging him. His arms were wrapped on either side of him. Then his fingers moved down to his hip. 

 

“Shift this forward more. There you go. Now you lift the gun up and aim where you want to shoot. You can pretend that it’s the person you hate the most or you can just pretend it’s a target. The most important thing is to be ready for the kick back. That’s important got it?” 

 

Steve nodded. 

 

“Just like this.” And then Steve shot. And missed. And forgot about the kickback. He fell back into Bucky with an oof. Luckily, Bucky’s feet were well planted so he didn’t just collapse. 

 

“I don’t think you planted your feet. Or remembered the kickback. And you’re really bad at aiming. Like really bad. I’ve never seen anyone so bad at aiming. You actually got a bullseye on the other target. Jesus. How do you handle the shield? Does it just aim itself? Cause otherwise you would never hit anything ever.”

 

“Wow. I didn’t think I did that badly.” 

 

“No you really did that badly.”

 

“Wow Steve what was that?” 

 

Steve looked over to see Natasha sitting on the bleachers. At the look on her face, he realized that he was snuggling up against Bucky. He quickly pulled away from him. 

 

“Guess I should just stick to shields right?” 

 

Natasha laughed. 

 

“Probably. I would not count on you to save me in battle if you had a gun.” 

 

Bucky snorted. 

 

“If your life came down to that, you’ve done something wrong.” 

 

Steve shook his head. 

 

“Wow. I’m getting tag teamed. This hurts.” 

Bucky shrugged. 

 

“It wouldn’t happen if you weren’t so bad at shooting.” 

 

“Hold on Barnes. That’s victim blaming. It’s not Steve’s fault he’s so bad at shooting. I blame whoever let him become a soldier without teaching him first.” 

 

“Oh yeah. If I had been there, I wouldn’t have let him go without teaching him first. Then again Steve seems pretty hard to teach. No natural skill.” 

 

“Maybe I was distracted or something.” 

 

“What would you be distracted by? You didn’t notice me.”

 

Steve couldn’t tell the truth which was that Bucky distracted him so he quickly thought of something. 

 

“The squirrel that was in that tree.” 

 

Natasha laughed. 

 

“You got distracted by a squirrel?” 

 

Steve sighed. 

 

“That’s it. I’m leaving. This is bullying.”

 

Steve walked away and off the range and as he left he heard their laughter. He wanted to be annoyed but how could he when all he wanted was to make Bucky laugh like that every day. He didn’t want to enter the compound yet so he just walked around for a bit. When he finally entered and walked to his room, he found a note taped to his door. It was short and simple but very hard to read. It looked like a million things had been written on it and then erased. At the end, it said 

“If you ever need shooting lessons, feel free to get me at anytime. Bucky.” 

And Steve took the note and tucked it into his book. And Steve was happy. Happier than he could remember being for quite some time now. Because even if Bucky never came back the way he was, Steve liked the new version of him too. It was a pretty good version of him. In fact, he loved every Bucky that came along because it was Bucky. And Bucky was home. And Bucky was amazing. Steve knew Bucky, every inch of him. He knew Bucky more than he knew himself. And if there was more to learn, Steve would learn it because it was Bucky and Bucky deserved that 


	4. Thursday

Steve wanted to find Bucky. He didn’t know if they would train together like they had every other day this week. He didn’t know if those were all flukes. A shot in the void before it was ripped from him just like everything always was. He was the soldier out of time. The two people he loved the most couldn’t remember him half the time. Everything he ever wanted was gone. He didn’t have anything anymore. Why would he ever think that he could get Bucky back? He sat down on his bed trying to will the tears pooling in his eyes away. He just wouldn’t think about them. It was that simple. If he didn’t think about them they didn’t exist. If he never questioned if Bucky liked him, he would never know for sure but he could just keep what they had. He liked what they had. It was fun. It was friendship. It was companionship. It was sparring buddies when they had no one else. That was fine. Why would Steve want anything more? He didn’t need anything more. He just needed this. After repeating this a few times, Steve was feeling a little better. Slightly more in control. Bucky was alive and as long as Bucky was alive all was well. There that was better. Steve felt like he could breathe now. It was all good. All good. 

 

Just as he calmed down there was a pounding knock on the door. And then the door fell in. Bucky was standing there looking slightly ashamed. 

 

“Sorry. I was just coming to tell you that Natasha wants you. She also told me to tell you that we can’t train together today.” 

 

And then Bucky was scampering down the hallway and away from Steve before Steve could say anything. So maybe they weren’t sparring buddies. Maybe they weren’t anything. That sounded better. If they weren’t anything there wasn’t going to be any disappointment. This was better. 

 

“I knew you liked him.” 

 

Steve whirled around to see Natasha standing in the centre of his room. 

 

“How did you get in here?” 

 

“The window. It was simple really. Just a quick scamper. I needed the exercise. Someone seems to be taking my training buddy.” 

 

“Not my fault he likes me better than you. In all of his forms.” 

 

Steve hadn’t meant to snap at her but she didn’t know what she was playing at. He regretted it the second he saw the hurt flash on her face. It was gone in a second, her training kicking in. 

“Natasha. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just… I’m sorry.” 

 

Natasha didn’t say anything but she nodded just a little. Her form of an apology. 

 

“Anyway, why are you in my room beyond teasing me about my crush?” 

 

“I mean, your room is much nicer than mine. Then again, Stark would have given you the sun if it meant you would stay and keep the Avengers together. I didn’t realize how important it was to him until I moved in. It’s his life and he always thought you would be the one most likely to leave.” 

 

“I think it was probably just a coincidence.” 

 

“But also we have a mission. And before you ask, no your boyfriend won’t be coming with us. And Clint’s staying back because he got shot like the dumbass he is.” 

 

“Firstly, he isn’t my boyfriend. Secondly, what is the mission.”

 

Natasha shrugged. “I just got told to get you. Didn’t ask beyond that. Figured I would just get the briefing with everyone else.” 

 

“You know. But you aren’t going to say anything because you hate me. Right?” 

 

Natasha shrugged once more. “I have my reasons.” 

 

Steve sighed. “And you won’t tell me right?”

 

Natasha smiled. “Don’t worry. You’ll find out.” 

 

Then she leaped out of the window all sharp lines and angles. And Steve walked down the stairs to the quinjet. 

 

“What’s the mission, Tony?” 

 

Tony ignored him shouting instructions at everyone. 

 

“Tony. What is the mission?” 

 

Tony turned around all smiles and masks. “Steve. Good to see you. Why aren’t you suited up yet? Was your boyfriend keeping you busy?” 

“Shut up Tony. You know that he’s not my boyfriend.” 

 

“But you want him to be don’t you?” 

 

Steve sighed. “Tony…”

 

“Good old Captain America has a crush on the most notorious assassin in the century. Except for our spider of course.” 

 

Natasha rolled her eyes as she passed. “Can it Tony. It’s not his fault. It’s probably Barnes’s incredible body.” 

 

“Not his personality that’s for sure,” Sam yelled out. 

 

“Maybe he’s just interested in what those metal fingers can do,” Tony said with a wink. 

 

“Can we get back to the mission guys? Our super important mission? The mission that Natasha won’t tell me about?” 

 

“Someone’s in a bad mood today.” 

 

“It’s cause he’s missing his sparring time with Bucky.” Tony taunted. 

 

Steve kind of missed the little bridge between him standing there and him pinning Tony against the wall. 

 

“All right. Don’t mention sparring with Barnes. Noted. Now can you let go of me now?” 

 

Steve stared. “Sorry, Tony. I don’t know what happened.” 

 

“No. It’s all right. I shouldn’t have pushed you so far. Anyway, you still aren’t in your suit.”

 

“You still haven’t told me what this mission is”

 

“That’s for me to know and you to find out.” 

 

“Tony....” 

 

“Don’t tease me, Steve. You know it makes me all tingly when you get all threatening.” 

Steve turned away knowing it was useless to try to get any information out of Tony. Whatever was happening Tony would not tell him. There was only one person left that would tell him. 

 

“Hey, Sam.”

 

“I’m not going to tell you what the mission is Steve. If Tony and Natasha think it’s smartest not to tell you I’m not going to cross them. They’re terrifying.” 

 

“Come on Sam. Don’t I deserve to know? Isn’t it dangerous for me not to know?” 

 

“Sorry, Steve. I need to get ready. And so do you.” 

 

Steve growled out of frustration. But he went and got suited up. And then they were flying. And they had been flying for almost three hours when Natasha walked over to him. 

 

“We’re approaching the location.” 

 

Steve grunted in response. 

 

“I can tell you the mission now. I actually have to because you’re getting dropped out of this plane in about five minutes.”

 

Steve started gathering up all of his gear. 

 

“Okay. We don’t have many details. We know someone named Helmut Zemo is going around killing members of Hydra. Not a big deal. Except he is doing this for a reason. We didn’t know the reason but we found out today where he is and what he wants. We need you to stop him from getting something.” 

 

“What does he want? And what do I need to stop him from getting” 

 

“It’s a red notebook. Looks old. It has a star on the cover. Completely useless to most people. But very valuable to the right person.” 

 

“Why? What does it do?” 

 

“It contains words. Certain words that if said in a certain order to a certain person could trigger something.” 

 

“Be more specific Natasha. No more games.” 

 

“If he gets the notebook, he can use the words written inside to turn Bucky back into the Winter Soldier. And he would have control over him. So you need to stop him.” 

 

“Ready to drop?” 

 

Natasha turned to him and Steve nodded. 

 

“He’s ready.” 

 

And Steve jumped out of the plane. 

 

“All right Natasha. Where is he?” 

 

“He’s inside the building. Top floor. The first room on the right. You’ll have to go up the stairs though.” 

 

Steve took off running. He had a mission now. He had to complete the mission or lose Bucky again. And he couldn’t lose him. He couldn’t go through the pain again. He mourned him so many times already. Every time he had left and Steve thought he would never find him again. 

 

It did not take long to defeat this Zemo guy. It did not take much at all to kill him. It was either him or Bucky, Steve rationalized. It was trying to make him feel better. Not for killing him but for enjoying it. He deserved more than death for wanting to do that. He had killed Zemo. And he had killed the fifteen other guards in the building. 

 

“This is why we didn’t tell you about the mission before.” 

 

Steve turned to find Natasha standing behind him. 

 

“I killed them. And I would kill them again.”

 

Natasha nodded. 

 

“You did the wrong thing but it was also needed.” 

 

And they turned to the quinjet. 

 

“If you break him, I will break you. Slower and more painful than anything you could imagine.” 

 

Steve nodded. “I won’t.” 

 

And she nodded too. “Let’s go home. And back to your boyfriend.” 

 

And they laughed as he chased her on to the quinjet muttering on and on about how he wasn’t his boyfriend. 


	5. Friday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my second or third favourite chapter. It was a lot of fun to write.

Friday was not a nice day. For anybody. Clint was still recovering from being shot, barely moving. Tony was holed up in his lab, trying to figure out this book. Wanda and Vision were still off who knows where and Sam was trying to find them. Natasha was pacing the hallways and snarling at everyone. Bucky was in his room having retreated there after talking to Steve yesterday. And Steve was broken. Friday was not a nice day. It was a day of pain. A day of restlessness. A day of missing people and the hole in your heart just that size. It was a day of heat and anger. It was a day of hiding and praying no one would find you. It was a day of blood and cold and rage. It was Friday. 

 

Steve had washed his hands. He had bathed. He had eaten. He had done everything he was supposed to and yet he still felt wrong. Something was wrong. Something was off. He didn’t know what though. So he was restless and paced anxiously waiting for news from Tony. Any news. But when the knock on his door came, it was not Tony. It was not Natasha or Bucky. It was nobody he would have expected. It was Clint. Clint in a wheely chair. 

 

“Team meeting in the meeting room in five. Be there or be square.” 

 

And then Clint was rolling himself down the hallway, pushing himself off of walls to try to avoid using the leg he had been shot in as much as possible. And it was something at least so Steve jumped at the chance. He went downstairs and waited. He was mostly wondering how Clint was going to get downstairs when everyone else entered. It turned out Clint was going to get downstairs by sliding down the banisters into Natasha’s arms. It worked. It was not smart but it worked. Natasha slung him into a chair before taking the one next to him. Steve didn’t know how he did it but he managed to get Tony and Bucky out of their rooms. Tony took the seat to the other side of Clint and Bucky sat next to Natasha. There were four empty chairs now. Steve could sit anywhere he wanted. 

 

“I hope you saved room for us.” 

 

Steve turned to see Sam in the doorway. Wanda and Vision were behind him. 

 

“How did you get here?” 

 

Sam shrugged. “I don’t know. These two ran into me five minutes after I left. Apparently, Clint called them to this meeting.” 

 

At the looks on everyone’s faces, Clint just shrugged. 

“I’ve known where they’ve been this whole time. Did you not know?” 

 

Sam wandered into the room taking the seat across from Clint. Vision sat next to Tony and Wanda sat next to Vision. Which left the only spot open as the seat next to Bucky. Of course, they weren’t even here but they already knew. What a surprise. So Steve sat because what else would he do. And he tried to ignore how close Bucky was. How if he leaned just a bit he could touch Bucky. 

 

“All of you suck. You’re all in awful moods today and I want to know why.” 

 

After a few minutes of silence, Clint tried again. 

 

“If none of you are going to say anything, I’m just going to make you all have fun. We’re doing laser tag. And yes I have considered the fact that I was shot. I will not be playing because I do not feel like getting shot again. Cough Natasha cough. And I realize that two of the seven playing are assassins but that’s part of the fun. I’ve already converted the training room. Now, Steve, it’s your turn to carry me.” 

 

Steve smiled. “Won’t that put me at a disadvantage? If I have to carry you?” 

 

“You calling me fat?” 

 

“I’m not calling you skinny.” 

 

Clint rolled his eyes. “Fine Barnes. You’re up.” 

 

Bucky rolled his but stood up and picked him up. Clint greedily wrapped his legs around Bucky. He peeked over Bucky’s shoulder and stuck his tongue out at Steve. He also mouthed something that Steve couldn’t make out beyond boyfriend. 

 

“Careful Clint. Steve gets feisty around that word.” Tony mocked 

 

“I’m going to decimate you in laser tag.” 

 

They turned towards each other and as if somebody had blown a whistle they were racing down the stairs. Steve got there first obviously. Well, second if you didn’t count Bucky. 

 

“Hey, can you help me? My hair keeps getting stuck in the velcro.” 

 

And Steve had to act normal so he walked over and was so close to Bucky. He couldn’t help but think that if this was his Bucky, he could be kissing his neck. But no. It wasn’t. So he velcroed it and then he went to put his own gear. 

 

“Wow. Looking good Barnes.” Tony said as he entered winking as he entered. 

 

A whistle came from the doorway. Natasha was standing there with Sam right behind her. It was impossible to tell who had whistled. Steve had a pretty good guess though because Sam dropped a wink right at him. And his blood only boiled a little bit. 

 

“Do a spin for us,” Natasha said. And Bucky obliged. Steve didn’t want to admit it but Bucky did look good in it. The vest, even with its glowing flashing light, was snug showing off all his muscles. It looked almost like someone had taken the Winter Soldier’s vest and combined it with tactical gear. He looked at home, at peace, holding a gun even if it was a laser gun. After everyone else got strapped in, which took about five minutes, they continued to harp on beautiful Bucky looked. Steve was just about done with it when a loud beep sounded and the doors opened. The room was entirely dark except for all of their flashing lights. A loud countdown started from five and everyone raced into the room. 

 

Steve didn’t worry about where anyone else was going. Just making it to a safe spot. He finally found one when he almost raced past it. It was a hidden room blocked in by mats with a small opening that Steve had to crawl through. It was perfect. He could shoot people through the opening and no one would be able to shoot him. As the clock hit one, the glow in the dark took effect. Steve could see his surroundings better now. There was a small ledge that he could scramble up. When he got there, he could see the flashing lights of everyone else. 

 

There was a loud beeping noise. 

 

“Who the hell is Stud Muffin?” 

 

So Tony had already gotten shot. Based off of where he had shouted, Steve could figure out where Tony was. And Wanda and Vision were walking down the hallway Steve was hiding in. Steve picked them off quickly. Sam was flying. Or maybe Natasha was. He wasn’t sure. It was hard to keep track when there were so many people. As Steve watched more and more shouts sounded out. Everybody was dying because of Stud Muffin, Hotcakes, or Sugarpie. Steve had figured out that he was Sugarpie. Mostly because every time he shot Tony, Tony would curse his name. He didn’t know who Studmuffin was all though he had to guess Natasha or Bucky. Wanda and Vision were kissing in a corner and every so often Steve would shoot them to make sure that they at least looked interested. Sam was still flying overhead. And now Tony was trying to shoot Sam. And then Steve looked and saw two guns. Well, it made sense. Natasha and Bucky making an alliance. Kill twice the number of people together. Take out their biggest competitors. Then Tony, Wanda, Vision, Sam and somebody else’s vest all blinked off. Steve saw it on the scoreboard. It was only now that Steve saw there was one too many people on there. Who else could be playing? Then it clicked in Steve’s head. It was Clint. Now the real question was whether it was Natasha or Clint who had just gotten out. And who had allied themselves with Bucky? Or maybe Bucky was out and Clint and Natasha had made an alliance. That made more sense. 

 

“Steve?” 

 

Bucky had called him. 

 

“I know you’re still in. And I know where you are. Now the real question is… can you shoot me before I get there?” 

 

And there was a challenge in there. And Steve was moving. He had to shoot Bucky because all three of them were tied. Hotcakes, Sugarpie and Studmuffin. If he shot Bucky first, he would win. 

So he was dodging the obstacles and then he ran into Bucky. Quite literally. Bucky chuckled. 

 

“So who can kill who first?” 

 

And Steve shook his head. 

 

“Make an alliance. We kill the last person and then we can kill each other.” 

 

Bucky nodded. 

 

“Makes sense. It’s a deal.” 

 

Steve nodded. And then Bucky was back to back with him. And their backs fit. They fit in Brooklyn and they fit now. It worked. And then he was turning and so was Bucky. Bucky smiled. A little half smile. Then Bucky dropped his gun. And Steve dropped his. 

 

“I know you. Every time. Every time I find you.” 

 

And then they were kissing. An actual kiss this time. A real legitimate kiss. It spread to Steve’s toes and cheeks. It flipped him upside down. It was Wonderland. It was magic. Steve wanted more. This is what Steve wanted forever. He heard Natasha and Tony whistling. He smelt Bucky. He tasted Bucky. He was flying. And then he heard the low buzz of getting shot. He looked down to his vest. It was now dead. He looked at Bucky who was holding a second gun now. Bucky shrugged.

 

“Sorry man. But nobody checked to make sure everybody had just one gun. Clint hooked me up.” 

 

And Steve laughed. 

 

“Are all of our kisses going to be so that you can win some sort of fight?” 

 

Bucky looked at him thoughtfully. 

 

“If every kiss is like that then sure.” 

 

Then he picked up both guns and pointed them to the ceiling. He shot them and Steve heard the buzz of a shoot. 

 

“Bye bye Hotcakes.” 

 

“Fuck you, Barnes.” 

 

“No thanks. I think Steve’s going to do that.” 

 

And then the room erupted. It was a riot. And Bucky turned to Steve. 

 

“I meant it. I really do find you every time and in every way.” 

 

And Steve kissed him again and again. Because he could. He could kiss him every time. 

 

And the rest of Friday was a blur. A blur of kisses and a fake medal for winning laser tag. 

 

Clint was recovering from being shot, moving everywhere. Tony was holed up in his lab, trying to build a better laser gun. Wanda and Vision were sitting in the living room watching tv and Sam was sitting with them. Natasha was pacing the hallways and stopping to talk to everyone. Bucky was in Steve’s room where he had been after he had kissed Steve. And Steve was whole. Friday was a nice day. It was a day of pleasure. A day of peace. A day of finding people and filling the hole in your just that size. It was a day of heat and passion. It was a day of hiding and praying someone would find you. It was a day of love and sex and friends. It was Friday. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of nice fluff before all of the angst


	6. Saturday

Saturday started off great. Steve woke up with Bucky tangled up in him. The bed too small for both of them. They had to contort themselves to both fit. But it was worth it to wake up to Bucky. Bucky rolled over when Steve sat up. He threw his arm over Steve. 

 

“Don’t get up. It’s not worth it. Just go back to sleep.” 

 

And Steve smiled and let himself be lured back into sleep. 

 

He woke hours later to find Bucky missing. A small note was left where Bucky once was. 

 

Natasha stole me. Said we had to practice with blades. Personally I’d rather practice with another type of blade but we can do that later. If you want to come watch please do. You can be my good luck prize. 

 

Steve smiled. This was Bucky. It wasn’t Bucky from Brooklyn but it was. It wasn’t Bucky from the war but it was. It wasn’t the Winter Soldier but it was. It wasn’t Bucky from sixteen days ago but it was. Steve loved it. It was what he wanted. So he got dressed and went off to the training room. It turned out he got there just in time. They had just finished their warm up. Bucky had pulled his shirt off and Natasha had pulled her hair up. That was how you knew it was serious. And Steve decided he had to screw Bucky over. 

 

“I thought you were only going to get naked for me now.” 

 

Bucky stuck the middle finger up at him but didn’t look up from the selection of knives. He then pick up two. And two more. And then two more. And then two more. Until he had the whole table on him somewhere. Natasha seemed just as armed. That is to say not. Because even though Steve knew they were all there, they didn’t seem to be except for the two they both held in their hands. Bucky’s appeared to be a set. One was golden and shining. One black as night. Natasha’s were red. Red as eyes. 

 

“They were the first present she ever got.” 

 

Steve jumped a little. He hadn’t noticed Clint sit down beside him. 

 

“You gave them to her right?” 

 

“Yeah. I gave them to her the first day I met her. And she uses them since. I keep telling her she can just get better knives but she won’t listen.” 

 

“I hope I’m not invading but…” 

 

“Nat hasn’t told you so you figured you’d ask me in the hopes I’d tell you. Well, I can tell you all the gossip. Everything I know. And trust me I know a lot.” 

 

Steve shoved Clint playfully. Down below they still hadn’t started. They were just staring at each other. 

 

“Stop being so dramatic. If you keep that up, you might become one of those two down there. Look at them. They’re just staring. Do they do this every Saturday?” 

 

Clint nodded. 

 

“They say they’re assessing each other but I think they’re just trying to figure out who found the best hiding spot for a knife.” 

 

Another dramatic pause. 

 

“It’s complicated. It’s like Barnes and you. Except we didn’t know each other before. We don’t want anyone to know because as soon as people know, we become a weakness. And I don’t want to do that to Nat. I can’t do that to Nat.” 

 

“Have you told her?” 

 

“Yeah. I told her. And I held her as she cried because all she wanted was to tell me the same. And she felt the same but those monsters tore her apart so far she was too afraid. Said they would kill me too. And I told her the truth there too. I told her I would die for her but more than that I would kill for her. And imprison for her. Anything she needed. And she told me she needed more knives so I bought her a complete rainbow. And those are the knives she uses. But only around friends. Because if someone saw, if someone pierced it together. Well… I can’t do that to her. Not to mention my large list of emotional problems. I could barely tell her. And it hasn’t gotten any easier but I would go through hell for her and she knows it.” 

 

Steve nodded. 

 

“It’s hard. Dating and being a superhero. Except for Tony. He’s got everything. Anyway, pay attention. They’re going to start now.” 

 

And start they did. They lept and swept. They attacked and retreated. Steve couldn’t move that fast. His eyes flickered between the two of them. They were speaking to each other. A blend of russian and english. Blades singing. And then Natasha’s went flying and she pulled out two more. One from her boot and one from her jacket pocket. And they were back at it. Singing, flying, dancing, painting. It was magic and art. It was wonder and death. A song of death. And then Bucky had three knives and seemed to be juggling. And then Natasha almost seemed to disappear into the shadows and they were twirling. But Bucky met her this time. She bled into the shadows to find Bucky there. 

 

“I swear they don’t belong to this earth sometimes.” 

 

“Are they demons, angels, or monsters?” 

 

“They’re all of them.” 

 

And Steve saw it. Natasha’s mouth seemed to leer twisting, showing fangs and wings. And Bucky’s back seemed to sprout black wings. And then they were spinning and they were spinning with golden light. They were weaving with the light. And then they moved and the spell was broken. Now their shadows were twisting and burning. Their faces shifting. No longer good or bad just alive but not here. And then the spell broke once more. As Bucky threw Natasha’s last knife. And then they stopped panting and tired. And Steve couldn’t stop staring. Bucky was bleeding. It was pooling dripping down his chest. Dripping onto the floor. And Steve thought of a week ago. And then Bucky looked up at him and winked. 

 

“That was for you babe.” 

 

And Steve laughed. Because it wasn’t a monster. It wasn’t an angel. It wasn’t a demon. It was Bucky. And Bucky was his. And if Steve only knew those two things it would be enough. Because it was Steve and Bucky. Just like always. Steve and Bucky against the world. 

 

Natasha got up and Bucky and her did another dance. This was the dance of ending though. A good fight. And a your technique was amazing. And a I still can’t do this. And a if you just hadn’t slid, you would have won. Then she left linking pinkies with Clint. All of the affection they could give. 

 

“If you only link pinkies with me I swear to god, I will stab you.” 

 

“I think it’s cute.” 

“And I think I want to go back to bed.” 

 

And for some reason Bucky won. And they did not just link pinkies. 


	7. Sunday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry in advance

Sunday is a lazy day in most houses. Not for this house though. Not for this family. For at two in the morning, Natasha burst into Steve’s room. Telling him there was an attack. They were desperate. Barnes and him had to get ready now. Steve woke Barnes. He snapped into attention. And then he was dressed. Strapping weapons on. A gun on his back. Knives down his boots. Knives in the lining of his pockets. Knives in his hands. A big gun. Steve got dressed and then grabbed his shield. They walked in silence and then they got to the rest of the Avengers. Everyone in various stages of awareness.

 

But they boarded the jet and were flying quickly. Bucky leaned his head against Steve’s shoulder and quickly passed out again. Tony was flying. Sam was making loops trying to find out more about the attack. Natasha was telling him about the attack as she locked pinkies with Clint. And that told Steve all he needed to know. This was dangerous. Wanda and Vision were curled into each other as well. Holding each other. Strengthen themselves. Rooting themselves. Saying goodbye just in case. 

 

“We’ll be there in five minutes. Everyone get ready.” 

 

And Steve woke Bucky despite not wanting to. He just wanted to stay in this silence forever. He didn’t want to fight anymore. And yet he did. The fight thrummed in his veins. As he looked, Vision and Wanda kissed but did not pull away from their hug. It was important to them. They didn’t want to lose each other. Nat surprised all of them. She looped their ring fingers together and leaned her forehead against his. She almost seemed to be crying but he was muttering something and it seemed so personal and Steve had to look away. So he looked back at Wanda and Vision but the emotion in their eyes was just too much. So he finally made himself look at Bucky. If he didn’t look at Bucky maybe there was a chance that he hadn’t actually come. But when he turned to Bucky he was there. Real and there. Bucky looked into his eyes and smiled. 

 

“I told you no matter what I was, I always found you but I never told you the whole truth. No matter what I was, I always loved you. I loved you in Brooklyn when I worried about you every day. I loved you during the war when you killed Hydra with a vengeance. I loved you as the Winter Soldier. Every time they wiped me, I woke with a memory of blonde hair and skinny ribs you could feel when you hugged them. They couldn’t wake me on July 4th. I would just go crazy. I just wanted you then. I loved you 24 days ago when I arrived. I love you in every way shape and form. But I am not telling you this because neither of us is going to die. You know why? You can’t die wearing someone else’s dog tags. Here’s mine. I still have yours. Mine may save you from death but yours will bring me back.” 

 

And then Bucky kissed him. Slow and gentle. 

Steve opened his mouth to say something but Bucky shushed him. 

 

“I know Steve. And if you say something, it will sound too much like goodbye.” 

 

“To the end of the line then?”

 

“Til the end of the line.” 

 

And Tony snorted. 

 

“Sam if you expect me to say some mushy gushy love shit at you you’re wrong.” 

 

“Thank god. I do not want to hear your attempt at romance.” 

 

“Seeing how I have a fiance and you do not I would say I was more romantic. Anyway, on that note, we’re at the battle.” 

 

So they lept out and in that one moment, Steve felt the familiar fury in his bones. And then they were fighting. There were so many of these aliens. They were deadly as shit. And Steve kept fighting. Stupid humans for summoning these things. 

 

“Don’t let them touch you. Their poison is deadly to humans. It takes ten minutes to kick in and then you’ll die.” 

 

So Steve fought a little more carefully. And was careful but not too careful. They were making no progress though. 

 

“These aliens won’t fucking die.” 

 

“I shot one through the eye with an exploding arrow and half its face blew up. It kept fighting. It’s missing half of its brains. Hey Nat, for your birthday do you want alien brain?” 

 

“Do not buy me alien brain. Do not give me alien brain. Do not steal alien brain from this battle.” 

 

Clint sighed over the comms extremely loudly. Then there was silence as they went back to fighting. 

 

The real MVP was Bucky. He actually killed one. Than another. Every place he touched, death followed. 

 

“They have a weak spot. Below their ear. If you hit that, they’ll stay down. And no, you can just hit the general spot. It has to be precise. It’s bright red. Hard to miss.” 

 

Bucky’s voice sounded kind of rough. 

 

“You okay Buck?” 

 

“Oh yeah. Why are you getting tired?” 

 

“Never.” 

 

And then there was silence as they went back to fighting. 

 

“There are people trapped in that building. We need someone to get them out.” 

 

“I will.” Bucky offered. 

 

“You know who would be useful right now?” 

 

“Thor?”

 

“Yep. Or the Hulk. Either one.” 

 

“We’ll just have to deal with what we’ve got.” 

 

And then there was silence as they went back to fighting. 

 

“The people are mostly safe. Are there people anywhere else?” 

 

“Beyond me? No. Everyone else is gone.” 

 

And then Nat’s voice ripped through the comms. 

 

“Get out of there Barnes. Now. I mean it. You have to get out.” 

 

“I can’t. There’s someone else in here. I need to save him.” 

 

“Bucky get out of there now. It’s captain’s orders.” 

 

“Sorry Cap. But I can’t die. I’m wearing the wrong dog tags remember?” 

 

“Buck…” 

 

“He turned his fucking comm off.” 

 

“He needs to get out of there. They’re going to…”

 

And the ground swarmed up to meet them as an explosion rocked the world. 

 

And there was silence as they stopped fighting. 

 

They stopped fighting for one second. Long enough to see where the explosion was. And Steve went racing after it because Bucky was there. He ignored the cries. He had to get there. He ran in there and saw him. Bucky lying there. Blood flowing. and burning. Burning through the ground. Blood dribbling from his mouth. Hands folded over his chest.

 

“Nope. You’re not going to die. You’re wearing the wrong dog tags. I just got you back. I can’t lose you now. I just got you. Come on asshole. Your captain says you can’t die. You aren’t allowed.” 

 

A cough. A hollow cough. 

 

“Sorry Cap. I’m fine honestly. I told you, your tags can bring me back.” 

 

And Steve hugged him and Bucky winced and moved his arms and Steve saw the oozing gushing wound. It was green and oozing. It almost seemed to be burning. 

 

“You got hit.” 

 

“It’s too late to say no right?” 

 

“When?” 

 

“When I found the weak spot.” 

 

“Bucky. Why? We might have been able to save you.” 

 

“I can’t die with the wrong dog tags. See?” 

 

And he moved his hands more. And Steve watched as the flesh slowly healed. Barely. The super soldier serum taking effect but so slowly. 

 

“I won’t die. But did I save him?” 

 

“Who?” 

 

“The guy left. I threw myself on top of him. I couldn’t get him to leave.” 

 

“I’m sure he’s fine Buck. Now since your wound is healing, I’m going to leave you here. And you’re not going to do anything else. Right?” 

 

And Bucky nodded. And Steve went back to fight. And he had just left when he felt his pocket where the dog tags had been. And they weren’t there anymore. And as he thought this, his comms came back on. 

 

“Steve. You lost your dog tags.” 

 

Was it just him or did Bucky sound off? Even if it was off it was because of the poison

 

“It’s okay. I’m going to be okay. I’m not going to die I promise.” 

 

“Til the end of the line.”

 

“Til the end of the line.” 

 

And there was silence as they went back to fighting. 

 

And Steve was tired of fighting. He wanted it over. So he released himself. And he exploded. He was killing monsters. He couldn’t stop. And they were all dead. Every last one of them. 

 

“Does anyone know where the guy who summoned these things went?” 

 

And a million things flashed through his mind. 

 

“Shit. Bucky. He said there was one guy who wouldn’t leave. He threw himself on top of him to save him. Why wouldn’t he leave?” 

 

And as one monster they rushed to where Bucky was. And Steve waded through all the dead to where he had left Bucky. 

 

And there was Bucky. Lying there. More peaceful than Steve had ever seen him. His hands wrapped around his dog tags and a gun. Steve’s still lying against his throat. A large spear was through his heart. Ripping it. The blood stained the ground.

 

Stained Steve’s boots as he walked to Bucky. 

 

Stained Steve’s knees as he sank to his knees. 

 

Stained his arms as he cradled Bucky. 

 

“Come back to me please. You promised. I want my shooting lessons now. You said anytime. You said my tags would bring you back. You said that you wouldn’t leave again. Not after I just got you back. You fucking promised. Til the end of the line. Well this isn’t the end. You can’t leave me. You promised. You promised. You promised it wouldn’t be goodbye. You said you were fine. You promised. I didn’t get to say goodbye. You said this wouldn’t be goodbye. You took my goodbye from me. You said I couldn’t say it because it would be goodbye. Why don’t I get to say goodbye? How come you did?” 

 

He didn’t know when the tears had started falling. He wasn’t sure when it happened. He wasn’t sure anymore. 

 

Then he heard it. A faint heartbeat. Barely there. 

 

“We found him Steve. If you want to see him.” 

 

And then there was silence as the fight ended. 

 

The faint heartbeat had slipped away. 

 

Steve stood. He grabbed the golden knife from Bucky’s hair. Grabbed the dark twin too. 

 

He walked over to that monster. He felt the rage boil inside of him as he screamed and lunged. He didn’t remember much else until he snapped back in. Natasha was holding her arm where blood now ran from it. The man was dead. Natasha nodded. 

 

“Good.” 

 

Then she turned away. To get Bucky as it turned out. 

 

So they boarded the ship. He just wanted to stay in this silence forever. He didn’t want to fight anymore. And yet he did. The fight thrummed in his veins. As he looked, Vision and Wanda kissed but did not pull away from their hug. It was important to them. They didn’t want to lose each other again. Nat looped their ring fingers together and leaned her forehead against his. She almost seemed to be crying but he was muttering something and it seemed so personal and Steve had to look away. So he looked back at Wanda and Vision but the emotion in their eyes was just too much. So he finally made himself look at Bucky. If he didn’t look at Bucky maybe they’re was a chance that he hadn’t actually came. But when he turned to Bucky he was there. Real and there. Real and there and dead. Very much dead. And Steve wished Bucky hadn’t been there. Had stayed home where he belonged. But this hurt more than anything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry again. This made me cry while writing it so I think that makes it good. I think.


	8. Chapter 8

 

**Monday**

Steve did not get out of bed. He sat and rubbed dog tags over and over again. Breathing in the scent of Bucky because at least he got Bucky for two nights and that was better than nothing right? Wrong because nothing would have hurt less than this. 

 

**Tuesday**

Steve couldn’t get that sight of Bucky out of his mind. Bucky lying there blood dripping into a puddle. His eyes empty of all life but peaceful. It was beauty but ugly. It was like looking in a funhouse mirror. What Steve should have been. What Bucky should have never become. 

Steve didn’t get out of bed today either. 

 

**Wednesday**

Wednesday was a shitty sort of day. Steve woke up feeling tired. What he wanted right now was to find Bucky and kiss him senseless but all he could remember was the kiss from that Tuesday. Many things might have changed but kissing Bucky hadn’t. It was home and comfort. It was Brooklyn and the Avengers and family. It tasted like sweat and exhaustion. The familiar taste of blood and the new taste of peppermint. It was a million worlds colliding. It was seventy years later and two different people but it was the same moment as their first kiss years ago. A different lifetime ago. If somebody had told Steve he would still be kissing Bucky seventy years later he would have laughed in their faces. But as it turns out that’s what happened. But not for long. No, because everything Steve wanted got ripped from him. He wanted Bucky back. 

Steve did not get out of bed today either but the sheets stopped smelling like Bucky. 

 

**Thursday**

Steve wanted to find Bucky. He was the soldier out of time. The two people he loved the most couldn’t remember him half the time. Everything he ever wanted was gone. He didn’t have anything anymore. Why would he ever think that he could get Bucky back? He sat down on his bed trying to will the tears pooling in his eyes away. He just wouldn’t think about them. It was that simple. If he didn’t think about them they didn’t exist. He didn’t need anything more. He just needed this. After repeating this a few times, Steve was feeling a little better. Slightly more in control. Bucky was alive and as long as Bucky was alive all was well. There that was better. Steve felt like he could breathe now. It was all good. All good. But Bucky wasn’t alive so nothing was well now. And Steve couldn’t breathe.

Steve got out of bed today where he wandered into Bucky’s room. He took one of his shirts and went back to bed. 

 

**Friday**

Friday was not a nice day. For anybody. Steve was broken. Friday was not a nice day. It was a day of pain. A day of restlessness. A day of missing people and the hole in your heart just that size. It was a day of heat and anger. It was a day of hiding and praying no one would find you. It was a day of blood and cold and rage. It was Friday. Steve hated it. Natasha told him the funeral would be held on Sunday. Steve wanted to cry but he was drained of everything. Everything in the world.

Steve got out of bed today to puke. 

 

**Saturday**

Saturday started off great. Steve woke up with Bucky tangled up in him. The bed too small for both of them. They had to contort themselves to both fit. But it was worth it to wake up to Bucky. Bucky rolled over when Steve sat up. He threw his arm over Steve. Then Steve actually woke up. Woke up to nothing. The bed too big for him. Nobody moved when Steve sat up. There was no one there. Clint walked in today. 

 

“No one blames you, Steve.” 

 

Then he left. 

But Steve got out of bed. And he wrote a speech. 

 

**Sunday**

Sunday is a lazy day in most houses. Not for this house though. Not for this family. For at nine in the morning, Natasha walked into Steve’s room. Telling him there was a funeral. They were waiting. He had to get ready now. Steve got dressed. They walked in silence and then they got to the rest of the Avengers. Everyone in various stages of readiness. Steve wasn’t ready. He couldn’t do this. This hurt too much. But he kept going. 

 

They got to the funeral and everyone had to read speeches. 

 

“Bucky Barnes was an asshole. But the kind of asshole you love. The kind of asshole that you want as your friend. I loved Bucky Barnes and I never told him while he was alive. He was an amazing friend and I wish I had said thank you for being such an amazing friend. Thank you, Bucky.” Sam laid a single rose on his coffin and then sat back down. 

 

“I didn’t really know Bucky. beyond the fact that he killed my mom, wouldn’t let me put laser fingers on him and was amazing at laser tag. But I didn’t need to know more than that. He was amazing. I saw it in the fact that he won the heart of Clint, Natasha, Steve, Vision, Sam, Wanda and me. A feat that had been performed by few in the past years. I wish you had let me give you laser fingers.” Tony laid a single rose on his coffin and then sat back down. 

 

“Bucky was the best assassin I know. He was better than me by a long shot. Better than Clint. But he was willing to give that all up if it meant he could be with Steve. Because that’s what he wanted. He wanted Steve more than anything. And I mean I should be happy he got it but he deserved it for longer than he had it. He deserved happiness more than most of us here. And I wish I could have done something more. But I couldn’t and I wish I could have saved him. I could talk on and on for hours about how amazing he was but I just want to know. Is that how you won every time? You hid the knives in your fucking hair?” Natasha laid a single rose and two red knives on the coffin and then sat back down. 

 

Clint came up and laid a single rose on the coffin and then sat back down. He had no words to say. 

 

Vision came up and laid a single rose on the coffin and then sat back down. He had no words to say. 

 

Wanda came up and laid a single rose on the coffin and then sat back down. She had no words to say. 

 

“Bucky Barnes was many things. A hero was one of them. An assassin.A friend. A brother. A partner. A sparring buddy. He knew what I needed. He was a shameless flirt which was good because it meant I got him. What I wanted to tell him on the plane that night was that he may have loved me in every form but I never stopped. I loved him in Brooklyn with every beat of my weak heart, with every rasping breath. I loved him in the war with every shot he fired, every enemy I killed. I loved him as the Winter Soldier, with every victim, with every weapon used. I loved him thirty-one days ago with every bit of training he did, with every day that passed. I loved him with every dying thing and every living thing. And it kills me that I didn’t get to tell him this but he knew. He always knew. So buddy. Til the end of the line.” Steve laid thirty-one roses on the coffin and then sat down. 

 

They buried him then. And Steve cried on his gravestone longing for Bucky to come back. But he didn’t. 

 

And every Sunday if you go look at the tombstone there are seven more roses every week. And they leave the dead ones. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this. I enjoyed writing it a lot.


End file.
